Today was one of the best days I've had in this long and tiring week.

I spent almost the whole day with u. Even though I was totally pooped and the day started off rather slowly and yucky, things turned out great in the end.

I'm smiling now.

Ok, not anymore.

I just received an email from my mom. Sigh. Made her worry incessantly about me. I know I shouldn't say this, cos it's in every mom's book to worry about her child, but she is so over-protective. I'm already 18, for god's sake! And, don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my mom cares so much about me, but sometimes it just gets so suffocating. She's the one person who's really been there for me, but I just feel that at some point, the communication between me n her just stops. It just cannot continue. My mom and I have a great relationship. But somehow, I just feel that she does not understand me. Hell, sometimes I even feel that my friends understand me better than my own mom! There's only so much I can talk to my mom about. Not that she's old-fashioned or anything, but she obviously cannot accept me doing things that alot of other moms allow their daughters to do.

Like, for example, drinking. She knows I'm of legal age already. She knows that I drink. She just doesn't know how much I drink. And I cannot tell her. She's so afraid that I'll get murdered or raped or molested or some other rubbish shit if I go out drinking. Can't she understand that I know how to take care of myself? I mean, I wouldn't want all that bad stuff to happen to me, right? Which idiot would want that? Yeah, it's her right to worry for me, but sometimes it's just too much.

Another thing is boys. I just CANNOT understand this. Boys are boys! That's it! The only difference between them and girls is that they have dicks in place of boobs! But I just don't understand why my mom cannot accept that I hang out with guys, or that I have more guy friends than girlfriends. Why can't she see that I'm just friends with guys? I have to lie to her everytime! I really don't wanna lie to her. But she hears that I was with a guy and her radar goes up and she automatically thinks that he's a guy I'm interested in! Like, what the fuck?!

And the relationship issue? Don't even think about it. I mean, she's already sent me to a convent for 10 fucking long years. Isn't that enough? There's only so much she can protect me. And I thank her for that, cos some guys are jackholes who only wanna get into a girl's pants, but it gets crazy sometimes. I mean, some girls can really share their relationship highs and lows with their moms. But I can't!

I really wanna be able to open up to my mom about this kinda thing. But she goes berserk at so much as a hint of a boy in my life! She just cannot understand that I am old enough to decide my own life. Isn't it bad enough that she already has pretty much controlled me to the point that I have to study something I really actually hate, but I go ahead and study it just to make her happy? This is all because God gave me a conscience and a soft heart. So everytime I fight with my mom over what I wanna do, even if she doesn't like it, I go and feel guilty after the argument. My brother, he doesn't care! So that's why he's doing something he loves. And I'm really bitter about that.

If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't have gone to JC and then flunked out and be labelled a failure.
If it wasn't for my mom, I would have gone ahead and done media studies in poly, and done something I really love.
If it wasn't for my mom... If it wasn't for my mom...

I'd actually have a life.

I've already pondered and hesitated posting this entry up here, but finally I really couldn't take it anymore. So u can take it as it is. Read if u want, but don't fucking judge me, cos I really don't fucking wanna hear any shit from anyone.