Softie

I really detest myself for having a soft heart.

My mom wants me to stay in the UK, when all I really wanna do is go home. I mean, not only will I get to see all my friends and family again, after such a long time, but maybe he's coming to Singapore too. That's not a very important reason, but still it's a valid one.

But, no! My mom suddenly gets the absurd idea into her head that she wants to come up to the UK and travel around. Just now, I connected with my brother on MSN just to chat for awhile, and who should come along but my mom. She was obviously in a rotten mood, so she totally let loose on me. "Why do you always come online?" "Why aren't you being serious about ur studies?" "What are you doing online again, wasting time?!" Yada, yada, yada. U know, the usual.

Then she started a whole new tirade. "I don't understand why u can't do all that (dealing with my visa and stuff) over there (in the UK)!" I was like, what the hell?! I mean, does she really wanna come over to the UK so much?

I'm so annoyed! Everytime! She always does this to me! She goes screaming her head off about something like this, and then we have a huge fight, and then she makes me so fucking pissed, and I end up feeling guilty about it after that, when it really isn't my fault!!!!!

So now, I'm stuck. What the fuck do I do?! I'm left with 2 choices.

1. Grit my teeth and let my mom walk all over me and go along "happily" with her plan, even though I would feel totally miserable (but not guilty) inside,

or 2. Put my foot down and firmly say that I wish to go home cos I really miss my friends and family, but feel a little guilty inside when my mom gets all mad and puts on her disappointed voice.

I don't know why the hell I should feel guilty for! It's not like this is the first time! My mom's ruined my life enough with this kinda crap.

FUCK! I hate being such a nice person! Why, oh why did I have to have a heart?!

I am such a wuss.