Annoyances

I hate Blogspot.

Whilst we're on the subject of the things I hate, I think I'll rant a little about someone I know, let's just call the person R. (It's not hate here, just annoyance.)

Well, this R is starting to really get on my nerves, which are threadbare as hell already. R's tremendously shy, so she usually sits quietly at the side. R's totally opinionless, I ask her out of courtesy, "What u wanna do now?", she goes, "Anything. What do u wanna do?". Now, I just give up, so I don't even ask her anymore. Can't even be bothered to do that no more.

R also complains constantly that her English is terrible. So I said, "Never mind, it's ok. Just practice more by speaking in English and u'll be fine!". Guess what she does? That's right! She goes and speaks in the language she's comfortable with, with the people who speak that language. What the hell, right?! I mean, don't complain if u don't wanna practice!

R's such a boring person too. I don't know how she can just stay in her room all the time! She never wants go to parties, she never wants to just hang out with people. She sleeps at 9.30pm every night, goddamn it! She would rather stay in her room than go for meals at the cafeteria. Unbelievable! She paid for food but she would rather eat instant noodles! What the hell?!

Whew. Enough for now. I'm gonna watch good ol' Friends on Youtube now. Tata!

Nottingham update

Sorry for the lack of updates.

Iin Nottingham now! Robin Hood country, where the maids are fair and the men are merry. Haha. That's what someone put on the forum of the university website.

Well, I'm settled in a temporary accommodation for now, Hugh Stewart Hall. The façade of the building is very much like that of Cambridge or Oxford, but it reminds me of a university in America. Remember the movie A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe as John Nash? Yeah, the university he went to where everyone thought he was a genius but a freak? Anyone know it? Please do tell me if you do know. I hate not remembering things. I'll upload pictures soon, I promise.

My room is quite nice and big. It's old but it's pretty cosy. Next week, I'll be in my permanent accommodation in Jubilee Campus at Newark Hall. (I'm currently on University Park campus.) Well, technically I'm in my new room now. (This was written last week.)

Things have been pretty hectic, but I'm missing home alot, even more than when I first came to London in January earlier this year. The feeling sucks. I feel like crying. And the thought that I left things hanging with my best friend when I left makes me feel even worse. I miss my family so much. Of course, I ain't helping myself much by putting on Nickelback's Far Away and thinking of home as I mope around in my room.

WHY, WHY, WHY DID I EVER WANNA COME TO THIS PLACE?

Sigh. I hope next week my room will be less of a Harlem. I'll probably feel much better once school starts. And when a certain someone comes back and we meet up. Fuck it. I'm not putting too much hope into THAT again. Always, my efforts go down the drain. So fuck it.

Ok. Now, just a quick note on what I've been doing so far.

Tuesday, 19 September 2006

Met a Singaporean girl, Carolyn, at the airport at the immigrations checkpoint. Took the school pickup coach service from London Heathrow around 7.30am. 3 hours bus ride later, we reached the university. It was beautiful. Autumn in the UK is gorgeous, that's one thing for sure. The weather was slightly chilly, but still bearable. The awe we had quickly faded once we were told we had to lug our luggage up to our rooms by ourselves. And we stay on the top floor! Luckily, this orientation guy (VERY cute, might I add. :p) helped us pull our stuff up the two flights of stairs. Went for registration, and then for a hearty lunch of 2 sandwiches and water. Delicious, eh? Haha. After that, we joined the very long queue for health registration at Trent Building. We then chilled at the Glasshouse Café and met some other Singaporeans and Malaysians. Around 4pm, we decided to go for the University campus tour. Dinner sucked, bigtime. I met a very pretty Thai boy at dinner time. When I say pretty, I MEAN pretty. Man, I'd kill to have his big eyes with long dark lashes!

Wednesday, 20 September 2006

Had breakfast in the huge hall which resembles Hogwarts' hall. This place has an almost magical, ethereal feel about it at dusk, when the sun in setting and it's silent all around. After which, Carolyn and I discovered a beautiful little garden. Turns out it was the warden's house. It was absolutely stunning. I must take photos. Will post them as soon as possible. I felt like I was Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, when she and Hugh Grant sneaked into a private garden, except that my "Hugh Grant" wasn't there with me. After that, we took a tiny secluded path, ending up behind Portland Building (which is like where the Student Union Shop). We decided then to find the University Park lake. The place is mind-blowing. There were moor hens, mute swans, Maynard ducks, and a family of elegant, graceful white swans. Couples walked along the Lakeside Trail, making me incredibly jealous and annoyed. (Where is MY Prince Charming when I need him to accompany me for a romantic lakeside walk?!) Anyways, we walked the perimeter of the lake, and ended up in a shady wood which had a delicious scent of pine (the scent wasn't as strong as it would be in summer because it's cold now). Then we went up to Trent Building and decided to go for the Beeston (a little village 20 minutes walk away from the university) walking tour. It's quite a charming little town, but I prefer Greenwich. My old college was helluva lot closer to the village then this university is to its closest village. So u can imagine how far the university is away from any civilization. (OK, FINE. I'm exaggerating.) Oh yeah! Sophy, my Bellerbys classmate and friend from Hong Kong arrived, so we brought her around. Dinner was at the hall as usual. After that, we went to the Glasshouse Café for coffee. After which, we returned to our rooms, tired and exhausted. I had a humongous headache. Bloody hell.

Thursday, 21 September 2006

Breakfast in the hall again. Went for the Jubilee Campus tour at 9am. So nice! My campus is much more modern than University Park Campus. Lovely as the place I'm in is, I'd very much rather have my own bathroom and modern facilities (I have to share a bathroom with 3 other girls. Bleagh.). Returned to Portland Building for lunch and returned to my room. Was supposed to go down to Nottingham City centre in the afternoon, but I felt kinda lazy, so I headed back to my room and rested the rest of the afternoon. Club Night was on that night at Oceana, the largest club in Nottingham City. Carolyn didn't go in the end. I went with Sophy and this guy we met called Tim, from China. Met this Hong Kong girl called Jacqueline. Fun girl. Stayed until about 1am. I would've stayed longer, but my friends were all so idiotic and dragged me out to catch the bus back to the university. What the hell, right?! But I did have a lot of fun still. With university, it's so different from Bellerbys College. U get people coming up to talk to u out of the blue. Gotta be careful too, of course.

Friday, 22 September 2006

Nothing much today. Had breakfast, returned to my room to sleep again. Woke up at noon to go for the Information Fayre at Portland Building. Chung came down from London! We had lunch at the food court and then parted ways. We were initially supposed to go for the Nottingham City tour, but it started pouring with rain, so we decided to head back to our room and rest till dinnertime. After dinner, we walked down the Downs, a massive stretch of field leading to Sherwood, Rutland and Derby Halls. There was this really cold mist fogging up our view. Then we went exploring, and came upon the Law and Social Sciences building, as well as the Millennium Garden. There was a Mini International Evening held at Portland building, which turned out to be incredibly boring. So we returned back to pack and sleep.

Ok nothing much for now. Will update more on what I've been doing these days. Pretty busy with registration and other sorta crap. Alright. Bye now!

Far Away

I'm so in love with Nickelback's Far Away. The lyrics are so beautiful. The song's on replay mode on my computer.

This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left

'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

Been far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go

Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance

'Cause with you, I'd withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all

I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up

'Cause you know, you know, you know

I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

So far away

Been far away for far too long

So far away

Been far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know

I wanted

I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long

So keep breathing

'Cause I'm not leaving

Hold on to me and never let me go

-Nickelback-

Sigh. I wish I had someone to sing that to me. Bah.

My mom wants to watch some black and white film with me called Gaslight. Whatever that is. But since I have not much time to spend with her, as I'm flying back to UK tomorrow night, I think I'll just watch it with her.

I think I just had a fight with someone very dear to me. Or maybe not. I don't know. But whatever it is. You know who u are. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to snap at u. It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts. I do, honestly. But I hope u can try and understand that I have so much to deal with and with the limited time I have with my family and all. I'm sorry, is all.

Ridiculously perfect

Do you think everyone has only one love, one true love in this world?

I was just looking through my email inbox, trying to clear some space inside, and I came across an email someone sent to me earlier this year. (For the sake of this person's privacy, I shan't use any names.)

Ok, if you guys are looking for juicy details, you can just forget it. I won't divulge anything in that email. But reading it again made me think.

What if I'd turned down someone who was close to perfect but I turned away because of a few flaws?

What if he was the One?

I could have turned down someone who might not have a model-perfect face or physique, but has a big heart and could give me everything I ever wanted emotionally!

That's my fucking problem. Everything has to be so perfect, so flawless. And when something comes my way, I look away, my eyes filled only with the negative things.

I hate myself for this. Now it's too late for regrets.

Everyone has high expectations of what and who they want their significant other to be. But I am truly getting ridiculous.

I read Dawn Yang's blog the other day, and her latest post read this.

Right One, Right Now? Or Perfect Forever, Wait (maybe) Forever?

You see what I mean? I mean, of course I wouldn't wanna be with someone who is good-looking but arrogant and obnoxious, nor would I want someone who has a good heart and pleasant personality, but looks like a toad.

Why is it so difficult for me to find someone who loves me and I can love back? Why is it so hard for me to accept certain flaws in people, or am I just destined to be alone for the rest of my life?

And then there's my mom too. She's so rigid about race and nationality when it comes to relationships. As friends, ok. As a boyfriend, it's a definite no-no!

What the fuck?! Since when does love have boundaries on race and nationality? It's so absurd I wanna laugh. But I won't because I'm feeling depressed and disgusted at my lack of backbone. I can just imagine the look on my mom's face if I come home with a Caucasian/Latino/other race boyfriend. I'll probably be disowned. Sometimes I can't believe my mom wants to control me to this extent. It's fucking disturbing. Why can't she be happy for me if I wanna be with someone I love, even if he is of another race, or is mixed blood? So what if his skin is another colour? Bloody racist. (My mom will vehemently deny this accusation, of course. But tell me, what do u think from what u've read?)

Sigh. Maybe I'll grow old, sad and alone, and live in a tiny flat that smells of cat food with 2 dogs, 3 parrots and 10 cats. If I die, no one will find my body until someone outside smells the sweet, pungent stink of rotting flesh. And (this goes without saying) no one will attend my funeral. My bones will just be dumped unceremoniously into a hole in the ground, with no tombstone.

Oh god, I'm so morbid.

I'm in my dad's office now. God, the internet here is still 54.6 kbps. Oh my god.

Just went out for lunch with Mei Ying at Katong Mall's Coffee Master. Took 608 bus to the office. Now I'm waiting for the stupid visa office to open for collection. Bloody hell. Even if it's 5 minutes before, they don't even let people collect their passports. What the fuck.

4 more days till I have to go back to UK again. Damn. Mixed emotions. I'm so excited to be there in a new place and meet new friends, but I'm gonna miss my friends and family so much. I really hate that my mom makes such a big deal out of me going out to meet my friends. Damn it.

Old-fashioned

Fucking MSN Messenger is down again. Bloody hell.

Finally dealt with my visa. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about that no more.

Went to Orchard today to meet Eline and Ryan for lunch at Cafe Cartel. Ryan's my senior, doing 2nd year Management at Nottingham University. He was brought up in Boston when he was young, so he speaks with an American accent, which sounds funny (Or cute. Whichever.) cos he adds in Singlish with it. Haha! He's already 22, cos he had to complete his NS first. Eline's 20, but she's doing the same course as me, cos she went to Ngee Ann Poly here. They're both pretty nice people.

After lunch we went to watch a movie at Cineleisure. Little Man! Freakin' hilarious! I was laughing uncontrollably throughout the show.

I just love Josh Groban's "Vincent". For that matter, I just love Josh Groban! His voice is wonderful. I think it's a fantasy for some girls to have a man with such a lovely voice serenade her. I don't know. Sigh. I'm super old-fashioned.

I think I should have been born in the 1950s, in an opulent world of swirling chiffon and chivalrous gentlemen dressed in suits and tophats.

I've been watching too many old classic movies. You can never get sick of My Fair Lady, Singin' in the Rain or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

HK update

Hi all!

I'm using the internet in Hong Kong airport to update u all.

Hong Kong's hot and humid, very much like Singapore. But the shopping is fucking great! My luggage was overweight. Bought a ton of stuff.

Unfortuanately, my stupid-ass camera decided to conk out on me on the second day of the trip, so I have practically none of the nice photos that I would have liked to post up here. And my brother is a terribly incompetent photographer, so I suggest no one puts too much hope into seeing any substantial photos on this blog.

I'm happy to be returning home, but it sucks that I have to leave in about a week again. Sigh.

Well, gotta run now! See u all when I get back!

Hi from Korea

Turns out I still do have some kind of connecion with home.

Using the fucking slow internet in the hotel, which is in some really deserted part of Seoul, Korea.

Anyways, just a quick update.

Spent half the day on planes. Tiring. I would so much rather be at home. Sigh. The people in the tour group aren't at all friendly. Whatever.

Watched Lucky Number Slevin on board the plane. Josh Hartnett is so hot!!! And I know Bruce Willis is kinda old already, but he is cute too! Haha!

Well, gotta go back to my room now. I'm pooped! I gotta get up at 6am tomorrow morning too. Madness.

I did something on impulse today. Whether it produces postive results or otherwise? Well, we'll just have to see. Fingers crossed!

Someone like u

This'll be my last post till I return next Sunday from Korea and Hong Kong.

Went out with my brother and his TP friends today. Went to eat Popeyes at Changi Airport. Sucks, man. NEVER go there. Disgusting food. And disgraceful service.

After that, we went back to Tampines Mall and decided to watch a movie.

Brilliant movie! Well, at least if u're a fashionista or someone who aspires to be disgustingly rich and own such wonderful, luxurious clothes and shoes. Oh, the shoes! Anne Hathaway is in her forte in this movie.

Should I? Should I? I'm so confused. U're not someone I would usually fall for. Certainly, u're unconventional, out of the ordinary. In fact, what happened was, well, je ne sais quoi. I don't even know what to feel, to think, to do. What to do?!

I know I'm still young, I've got a hell of a lot of life left to explore and experiment. But somehow, I feel that I'm ready for love, for committment. I don't know. I know I'm definitely inexperienced in this particular field, so I need someone more experienced, someone who's ready to take the wheel when I'm hesitant.

Someone like u. But u don't seem ready for it. Or are u?

More to write when I'm back

I always seem to have stuff to write about when I'm back home. And it's always some story of pain, hurt and anger. Funny, innit?

Last night was when the story unfurled. Let's see now. Main characters? My mom (as usual), me, my brother and my dad.

Everything nowadays will somehow or other trigger something in my mom. She just goes off on any darn thing, no matter how little. And once the fuse is lit, there ain't no stopping the nuclear explosion.

This time, it was a pile of unkept dishes that set her off. For the next 20 minutes, she delighted herself in screaming about ingrates and lazy bums. When we went to deal with the problem (the dishes), she exclaimed that she'd kept them already.

WHAT THE FUCK?! Then scream so much for what?

Then she went back to watching her stupid Korean dramas, giving us back peace and quiet.

But as with all things in life, this momentary lull was short-lived.

In an hour or two, she started shouting again. Now, it was over my room. By the third sentence, I'd already tuned out.

Something like this:

What mom said: Look at this mess! U're such an irresponsible person! I can just imagine ur pig-sty of a room in London!

What I heard: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yak yak yak.

Anyways, she went on to say more hurtful and untrue things.

For example, if your mother were to say, "I'm ashamed of you!!!" after u returned home with brilliant results and top of the class to boot, would you not feel hurt and belittled?

Enough said then.

Anyways, I've just returned from a fun night out with Nic, Meiying and Biondi. Yummy dinner at some quiet little Japanese restaurant and then drinks at Daybed Bar (or Club. I forgot which.) But it was fun still. Later we went to disturb Guan, who's working at Borders Bistro. Then my darling parents decided to call and scream at me to get, and I quote, "my lazy bum home this instant."

Next week, an entire week on vacation in Korea and Hong Kong with my family.

Pure torture. It's like when someone rips ur fingernails off one by one. Slow and painful.