don't cry out loud.
"No man is an island".
A friend once told me that. I realise that ever more now. I have never felt more alone and lonely as I felt today. I crave constantly for human contact, for relationships, be it friends, or more than friends, but today was the worst.
I always thought I could stand to be alone, that I could survive without any friends, that my family could just suffice. Today, I realise that, is not the truth. Deep down, I felt so lonely. The three girls I was once so close to in my class have all but retreated into their own little clique, effectively shutting out. I can't help but feel that it's because they're moving out of residence into private housing together at the end next week. When I hang out with them, conversation somehow or other always turns to how much fun they're gonna have in their own house, and all the plans they have for life in that house. Since I'm not gonna be moving with them, I really don't have much opinion to inject. So I'm thus just left aside, ignored, neglected. I was once included in trips to the supermarket or whatever. Now, I have to ask people if they wanna go to the supermarket. (I can't go alone, cos the way to the supermarket is dangerous.) I know I sound not unlike the voice of a petulant child, but I just can't help feeling the way I do. I feel so angry and dejected and sad.
Because I now have more alone time, my mind turns to home. Home, where my mom and dad and brother are, where my whole family, and all my friends, my good friends, the ones I can count on one hand, are. "Home is where the heart is". How true this statement is! I miss home so much. I thought I would never be homesick. After all, the first three months I spent here in London was bereft of any sadness or homesickness everyone told me I would feel. But then, I went home in April. And now, back here in London, after a great time back home, I can't help thinking back to the good days and feeling a little sad.
My room is bigger than the one I had in the under-18 block. (I shall put pictures up soon. I'm too lazy to do so now.) I don't put much stuff around, so my room's kinda bare and empty, which makes it seem all the more depressing and sad. Sigh.
Don't cry out loud. I remember there was a song that once had those words. That's exactly what I'm doing now. No crying out loud. Keep it in. That's the way to go.
A friend once told me that. I realise that ever more now. I have never felt more alone and lonely as I felt today. I crave constantly for human contact, for relationships, be it friends, or more than friends, but today was the worst.
I always thought I could stand to be alone, that I could survive without any friends, that my family could just suffice. Today, I realise that, is not the truth. Deep down, I felt so lonely. The three girls I was once so close to in my class have all but retreated into their own little clique, effectively shutting out. I can't help but feel that it's because they're moving out of residence into private housing together at the end next week. When I hang out with them, conversation somehow or other always turns to how much fun they're gonna have in their own house, and all the plans they have for life in that house. Since I'm not gonna be moving with them, I really don't have much opinion to inject. So I'm thus just left aside, ignored, neglected. I was once included in trips to the supermarket or whatever. Now, I have to ask people if they wanna go to the supermarket. (I can't go alone, cos the way to the supermarket is dangerous.) I know I sound not unlike the voice of a petulant child, but I just can't help feeling the way I do. I feel so angry and dejected and sad.
Because I now have more alone time, my mind turns to home. Home, where my mom and dad and brother are, where my whole family, and all my friends, my good friends, the ones I can count on one hand, are. "Home is where the heart is". How true this statement is! I miss home so much. I thought I would never be homesick. After all, the first three months I spent here in London was bereft of any sadness or homesickness everyone told me I would feel. But then, I went home in April. And now, back here in London, after a great time back home, I can't help thinking back to the good days and feeling a little sad.
My room is bigger than the one I had in the under-18 block. (I shall put pictures up soon. I'm too lazy to do so now.) I don't put much stuff around, so my room's kinda bare and empty, which makes it seem all the more depressing and sad. Sigh.
Don't cry out loud. I remember there was a song that once had those words. That's exactly what I'm doing now. No crying out loud. Keep it in. That's the way to go.
posted by cheryl at 12:05 AM
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