Softie

I really detest myself for having a soft heart.

My mom wants me to stay in the UK, when all I really wanna do is go home. I mean, not only will I get to see all my friends and family again, after such a long time, but maybe he's coming to Singapore too. That's not a very important reason, but still it's a valid one.

But, no! My mom suddenly gets the absurd idea into her head that she wants to come up to the UK and travel around. Just now, I connected with my brother on MSN just to chat for awhile, and who should come along but my mom. She was obviously in a rotten mood, so she totally let loose on me. "Why do you always come online?" "Why aren't you being serious about ur studies?" "What are you doing online again, wasting time?!" Yada, yada, yada. U know, the usual.

Then she started a whole new tirade. "I don't understand why u can't do all that (dealing with my visa and stuff) over there (in the UK)!" I was like, what the hell?! I mean, does she really wanna come over to the UK so much?

I'm so annoyed! Everytime! She always does this to me! She goes screaming her head off about something like this, and then we have a huge fight, and then she makes me so fucking pissed, and I end up feeling guilty about it after that, when it really isn't my fault!!!!!

So now, I'm stuck. What the fuck do I do?! I'm left with 2 choices.

1. Grit my teeth and let my mom walk all over me and go along "happily" with her plan, even though I would feel totally miserable (but not guilty) inside,

or 2. Put my foot down and firmly say that I wish to go home cos I really miss my friends and family, but feel a little guilty inside when my mom gets all mad and puts on her disappointed voice.

I don't know why the hell I should feel guilty for! It's not like this is the first time! My mom's ruined my life enough with this kinda crap.

FUCK! I hate being such a nice person! Why, oh why did I have to have a heart?!

I am such a wuss.

Up and Down

This is the result of being utterly bored out of your mind. Being sick ain't no walk in the park either.

I'm watching She's The Man again. Ditto above.

I got bad, bad news today. Wanna bawl my eyes out. I really hate it when my parents spring something like this on me with absolutely no warning at all. And I especially abhore it when they bring me up and then bring me crashing down in record speed timing.

Cough, cough. My temperature's up again. WHAT THE FUCK?! Everytime I wake up from a nap, there I am burning up again.

Heatwave

As promised, here come the boat party photos. More will follow, but just these for now.

Tower Bridge.

Tower Bridge illuminated.

Westminster.

Yusuke, me, Liwen, Lavinia and Adale.

Adale and me.

My three favourite guys in class, Faik, Adil and Yusuke!

More will come. I promise. That bitch of a friend I have hasn't taken the photos out of her camera yet. Can anyone be anymore lazy?! I mean, the boat party was last fucking week! So unbelievable!

I'm still coughing up phlegm. Disgusting. Thankfully, no more fever.

The heatwave in UK is making things hot. Hot, hot, HOT!!!

Hehe.

New Love

I've realised a new love today.

Summer heat lightning.

I'm such a poser. (aka Brooke Davis from One Tree Hill)

But truthfully, it seriously is beautiful. It is a little freaky at first, but it's so enchantingly mesmerising after awhile. It's a damn shame we have none of that in Singapore cos it's so humid. Here, it's dry as a bone and hot like the 15th level of Hell, so there are constant flashes in the sky. Beautiful.

I seriously need to find something to occupy myself.

Sick

I hate, hate, HATE being sick!!! Bloody virus attack. And the worst thing? I can't even rest properly, cos for the past few nights, I've been spending them tossing and turning in bed. Burning up with a 38.6 degree fever is not fun at all.

Next post, boat party photos!

Snaps of Good Times

Ok, here comes a deluge of photos.

First up, the outing with my Economics teacher and class.

Bhavini, my Economics teacher, and I.

Faik. As usual.

Faik and Adil.

Yusuke and I.

Last Saturday's barbeque at my friends' house.

Hye Jung and I.

Faik and I. (See the backyard? I helped cut the grass, which was about a metre high, which I got hardly any thanks for, and I was pretty pissed about that.

Bhavini and I. (Oh my god, I look fat.)

Adale from Malaysia and I.

Chung and Faik.

Ok, now Wednesday night with Adale and the guys.

The guys at the bar.

Adale, me and some Vietnamese guy.

The dancefloor.

Adale, me and two guys from Vietnam.

The guys in their usual cloud of smoke.

Marijuana (I can't believe it's really his name), from Syria, and I.

Me and Hamid from Iran.

The guys again.

Adale and the guys from Syria.

Ok, so my friends haven't passed me the photos from the boat party yet, so u guys'll just have to be patient and wait for them. I didn't bring my own camera, due to an unfortunate incident involving whether I should bring my cute little furry clutch or my usual large gold hobo bag. I ended up bringing my clutch, which obviously would not be able to fit my camera, which is unfashionably large for a digital camera. So u guys will have to be satisfied with these for the time being.

Till next time, ciao!

Party!

Boat party was super duper fun! I'm so tired though, and I didn't bring my own camera, so I have to wait for my friends to send me the pictures, so I'll upload pictures when I get them.

Alcohol ultimately makes people go high and dance crazily. No way u can help it.

Ooh ooh! Something totally icky happened. I was dancing with my friend, well, cos I'm single and desperate (SHUT UP.), and this guy from god-knows-where (I suspect Turkey, Russia or Kazhakstan) came dancing up to me, and I was like, oh ok, let's just dance, cos I was having like the time of my life. Then this jerk starts feeling me up, putting his hands all over me. I was like, EWW! WHAT THE FUCK?! Thank god my friend Manan was there to save me, and pulled me away from that jackass to dance with him. Whew. Close call.

I'm unbelievably jealous. I hate feeling this way. Fuck.

Update

I've been watching the OC. Great show by the way. Well, haven't been updating for some time now, so here goes.

Things have been hectic, so much so that I've been getting tired really early in the evenings. I'm trying to start on a new diet and incorporate exercise intor my daily routine, but as u guys already know, not working out so good for me.

Yesterday, I went to the club with a couple of guys. You know, the usual. Vodka lime definitely makes people loosen up and dance, even when they obviously don't like dancing. Something I won't ever do. Again. Huh. Well, I'll upload some pictures soon. Promise. It's super late now and I'm tired.

Ok, fine. I'm watching yet another episode of the OC. Haha.

Much as I would love that my relationship with him is like that of Summer's and Seth Cohen's, it's just too good to be true. True enough, we've become much closer ever since I told him last week. It's like we've become almost best friends.

I need to study. I need to go shopping. Sigh.

I'm woozy.

Gonna hit the sack now. I'll upload some clubbing pictures tomorrow.

Sorry, I really need to sleep now. Ciao!

Awake from a Dream

It's all over now.

We finally had The Talk. I think it's pretty clear already. But I'm really glad we got all this out in the open now.

I'm finally awake from this beautiful dream.

Ain't no fairytale happy ending for me this time around.

When There was Me and You

It's funny when you find yourself

Looking from the outside

I'm standing here but all I want

Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe

Miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend

That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I'm not sleeping

A wish upon a star

That's coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

That I heard you singing

And when you smiled

You made me feel

Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star

Just don't come true

Cause now even I can tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

Cause I liked the view

When there was me and you

I can't believe that

I could be so blind

It's like you were floating

While I was falling

And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view

Thought you felt it too

When there was me and you

-Vanessa Anne Hudgens (High School Musical)-

I got the highest score in English for my extended essay on Egyptian Art so far. This is the only thing that's perked my day up today.

Let's face it. I'm not someone a guy like him would want as a girlfriend. I'm a dork. Just look at what I wrote above. He probably just uses me. All that bullshit about him not being secure enough to handle that I'm smart and he's not? What a load of crap. I don't give a fuck if u're a dumbass, as long as u're honest and hardworking. That's a stupid excuse.

To quote Haley James Scott in One Tree Hill, "This is not who I am. I'm a tutor, I'm a nerd. I'm just Haley. That really should be enough. I'm done playing games." And like Haley, I'm just Tutorgirl and I'm done playing games. I'm just plain old Cheryl, and that really should be enough.

Because You Live

Class barbeque today. The weather was absolutely perfect. In fact, everything was perfect, right up till 7pm, where everything just went downhill from there.

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart

It's the end of the world in my mind

Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call

I've been looking for the answer

Somewhere

I couldn't see that it was right there

But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

Because you live, girl

My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again

'Cos of you, made it through every storm

What is life, what's the use if you're killed inside

I'm so glad I found an angel

Someone

Who was there when all my hopes fell

I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

Because you live, girl(You live)

My world[my world] has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why

I carry on when I lose the fight

I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

Because you live, girl

My world(my world) has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe

Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help

Because you live, girl('Cos you live)

My world(my world) has everything I need to survive

Because you live

I live

I live

-Jesse McCartney-

I am such an ass, to fall for you.

Why, why, why do I always fall for this kinda guy?!

Fucking hell. When things go wrong, they happen all at once at the same fucking time. I think it's the way God plays with ur fate. How cruel life is.

Let's just recap everything that got screwed up today:

-Thanks to my drunken state last night, I went to school feeling fucked up and with a terrible hangover.

-Accounts class went ok, but nothing much went in, so I feel super guilty.

-When the time came to buy the stuff for the barbeque, someone was feeling pissed that we were always the only two to do all the donkey work. So I was equally agitated cos I wanted everything to be perfect. But I have a nagging suspicion that I screwed up somewhere. Probably that I turn into a major bitch when I'm stressed that people don't fucking help out.

-I had to pay for everything. (and everyone forgot that they have to pay me back.)

-My face has sprouted 3 new gargoyle-like pimples.

-It was such a hot day that my makeup was completely ruined.

-The fucking cloned sheep keeps screwing things up for me and someone.

Whilst we're on this subject of the bloody cloned sheep, FUCK YOU MAN!!! Seriously, mind ur own damn bloody business! Fucking busybody! Who the fuck are u to tell me what to do?! Have u even looked in the mirror?! I don't give a flying fuck about ur damn opinions. Whatever. Stay the fuck away from me. And take a hint already! Everyone doesn't like u ok?! Honestly, of all the donkeys, u have got to be the biggest ass of them all. U SUCK, BIGTIME.

Whew. Ranting feels good.

Back to where I left off.

-This someone pays attention to other girl more than me, and obviously I hate it.

-I'm too chicken to tell someone I like him.

-Shisha makes my throat scratchy.

-I didn't get the Ernst and Young degree.

-I think someone's a little irritated with me for a reason still unknown to me. Maybe cos he's sick of my pasty moon face.

Sigh. Time to go off to dreamland. At least there the suffering ends.

Remember, boys and girls, sleep is a good thing. No sleep turns even the friendliest, fluffiest kitten into a hissing, scratching monster.

Magical Night

Class starts in 15 minutes, so this one's gonna be short.

Last night was magical. I think it kinda confirmed my suspicions. Don't worry, it's a good thing. I think. I went out with Adale, this Malaysian guy and Yusuke to Desperados. We had wine and I tried shisha! My first time! Obviously, I'm incredibly hung over now. My head is throbbing. I have no idea how I'm gonna do Accounts in class later.

Alright gotta dash! Tata!

Here Comes the Bang

I hate myself for feeling the way I do right now.

I hate broken promises.

I hate having to smile and pretend everything's ok when they obviously aren't.

I hate having to wait around for u.

I hate being chicken to tell u how I really feel.

I hate having to push my schedule around to fit your plans in.

I hate it when u make my knees go weak with a simple smile, especially when I'm feeling mad.

I hate how u make me feel so happy one minute, only to bring me down the next.

I hate how u say "Thank you" when all I really want is for u to show "Thank you".

I hate it when u look so perfect after a shower and make me look like a dirty rag.

I hate it when girls are around u, even if they're "just friends".

I hate how u make me laugh when I really don't feel like it.

I hate how a smile from you can make a really crappy day great once more.



And I hate to think of how much I'm gonna miss u.



Here comes the bang.

A Pirate's Life for Me

I think it's every little kid's fantasy to be a pirate. Hell, I'd wanna be one too. Johnny Depp just personifies ur typical pirate with his usual spirit of fun and just a dash of humour. Add the cool clothes, the dreadlocks, the gold-capped teeth, and u've got a dream pirate.

As u all have probably assumed by now, I've just watched Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest.

One word will suffice.

AWESOME.

For those who haven't watched the movie yet, close this window immediately if u don't want any spoilers. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Now.

Where be Jack Sparrow?!

ARRR!!!

I'm sorry! Beggin' a thousand pardons, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Johnny Depp is ultimately the best, if not the ONLY, choice for this role, if u ask me. He is so gorgeous. Hot, hot hot! Nothing like a pirate to make a girl all hot and bothered! I'd gladly walk the plank for him! (Actually I won't, but I'm in a pirate-y sort of mood right now, so I thought that sentence would do nicely.)

And then there was Will Turner, played by the ever-gorgeous Orlando Bloom. (Anyone who even DARES to insult him will be lost to Davey Jones' locker.)

The scene where he had his shirt torn off by the scum on the Flying Dutchman, and Davey Jones, the captain, this weird looking creature with tentacles for a face, ordered him to be whipped by his own father (Remember the first movie? Will's father, Bootstrap Bill, was sent to the depths by the mutineers right? Well, father and son are not so happily reunited on the Flying Dutchman.), man, my heart was pounding so goddamn hard.

One, cos it literally hurt to see him be condemned to such torture (I know it's just acting. SHUT UP.), and two, cos of those rippling muscles. Ooh-la-la! Haha!

I really wanna reveal the ending! So another warning to people who have yet to see this spectacular show!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Too bad, if u don't heed the above warnings.

The beautiful Johnny Depp heroically draws his sword, saying a simple phrase (and I'm sure this will be a line that will go down in history.)...

" 'Ello beastie."

before he is guzzled up by the humongous sea creature with a ton of tentacles and a million (probably more) razor-sharp teeth. (I forgot what this creature's name is.)

I swear my heart almost stopped right there. I repeat, ALMOST. I don't think Captain Jack Sparrow will die so easily.

The ending was a shocker. Remember the mutinous Captain Barbossa in the first movie? He was shot by Jack in the end, right? Well, guess what?! The motherfucker's alive! (Ok, guess some of u should have seen that coming, huh?)

Well, I'd love to stay and chat more about this splendid addition to the Pirates of the Carribean set, but I'm afraid it has to wait until tomorrow. I'm knackered, pooped, utterly wiped out.

In the famed words of Captain Jack Sparrow himself...

Savvy?

Running Scared

Been so tired lately. Last night was terrible. I had a throbbing headache, so it was an early night for me. I had a dream. A totally gorgeous guy was in love with me, and I had feelings for him too. But there I was running away, as fast as my legs could carry me. I can still feel that little tiny bit of anxiety the dream me felt. I wonder what that means. That I'm afraid of love and I'm running away from my true feelings? Sigh.

I have a really important interview tomorrow afternoon with Ernst and Young, which is one of the Big Four. I really hope I can get this job. It would make life so much easier. Well, at least 4 years from now. Plus it'll get my mom off my back. And I can finally get away from every little thing that makes her control my life so much.

Something u said today whilst we were studying together gave me a tremendous jolt. I don't know if it's good or bad. But something else u said definitely made my day. :)

5 and a half weeks more till the end of term. I never thought I'd ever feel weepy about leaving school.

Was I Too Close for Comfort?

I never meant the things I said to make you cry

Can I say I'm sorry

It's hard to forget

And yes I regret

All these mistakes

I don't know why you're leaving me

But I know you must have your reasons

There's tears in your eyes

I watch as you cry

But it's getting late

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was i too close for comfort?

You're pushing me out when I wanted in

What was I just about to discover?

When I got too close for comfort

Driving you home

Guess i'll never know

Remember when we scratched our names into the sand

and told me you loved me

But now that I find

That you've changed your mind

I'm lost the words

And everything I feel for you I wrote down on one piece of paper

The one in your hand

You won't understand

How much it hurts to let you go

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was I too close for comfort?

You're pushing me out when I wanted in

What was I just about to discover?

I got too close for comfort

Driving you home

Guess i'll never know

All this time you've been telling me lies

Hidden in bags that are under your eyes

And when i asked you I knew I was right

But if you turn your back on me now

When I need you most

But you just let me down, down, down

Would you think about what you're about to do to me

and back down?

Was I invading in on your secrets?

Was I too close for comfort?

You're pushing me out when I wanted in

What was I just about to discover?

I got too close for comfort

You're pushing me out when I wanted in

Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I too close for comfort?
You're pushing me out when I wanted in

What was I just about to discover?

When I got too close for comfort

Driving you home

Guess I'll never know

-McFly-

Was I? I don't know. The more I think about it, the less confident I feel about this whole thing between us.

Is there even an "us"?