No more rain

"And Hansel said to Gretel, let us drop these breadcrumbs, so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. This year, I lost my way. And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I travelled alone. Sometimes, there were others who took the wheel and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who arrived. It wasn't me at all. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

I like this quote from One Tree Hill. Really meaningful.

Anyways. I'm an idiot. I woke up late for school today! Alarm clock went off, "boom!" went my hand on the snooze button and tada! I woke up at 10.30am. Stupid. But I ran to IT class anyway to get some work done.

Well, I'm trying to do my bloody British Culture coursework now. My topic's on Shakespeare. It began as interesting. Now, it's just making me sick. I've been looking at endless freakin' pages of Shakespeare's life and his works and all the other crappy shit. I'm even beginning to memorise bits of the stuff I've been reading. Eww. I'm such a geek.


It's gonna be a great day. I can feel it in my bones. I don't think it's gonna rain tomorrow. :)

How to get a guy in X days

What makes a guy want a girl?
What keeps him hooked?
What makes him come back again and again, begging for more?

These are just some questions I shall attempt, ATTEMPT, mind u, to answer today in this entry. Some people may disagree with me, but I ask everyone who reads this post to do so with an open mind.

Ok. So let's get started!

Well, I feel that some guys wants a girl for something purely physical. Something about them unable to think with anything other than their libido once they see boobs or something. Boobs are just boobs, man. I mean, ur mom has them! Eww!

But there are some guys who want something more than just sex or making out or heavy petting. These are the special ones. They really connect with the girl they like/love. And I don't mean connect as in... Ok major gross image. I mean, there's something real, something really there, intellectually, spiritually, soulfully.

Then again, guys are just guys. They have this power within them to make girls weak at the knees and they will yield this power ruthlessly if they want to, to control the girl. Tell me I'm wrong. Girls, I'm sure u will agree with me on this. (Unless u're the self-deprecating, submissive, Mary Turner(haha!) type of girl.)

One thing that I feel is important for a girl is to be mysterious. Here's a case study.

See? The whole Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie-Jennifer Aniston love triangle thing is such a good example. U can obviously see what Brad Pitt sees in Angelina. She's mysterious and hot and cool. The mystery part, is what gets him hooked. At least, that's what I think. Jennie's just too pure and innocent. U can read her like a book. Too easy.

There u go. Mystery is a definite plus factor. Agreed? No doubts about that. That's why Brad ran off into those perfectly toned biceps of Angelina's. Plus, she's into sado-masochism. I don't know, but maybe that's a turn on for some guys?

Ok. I'm tired. My eyes are closing as I type. Ok, end of post. I can't think straight already.

Yawn. It's off to the shower and then into my nice warm bed for me! Ciao!

Ooh! Lookin' forward to Thursday! Yay!

I guess in life, sometimes u must walk alone. Some say it strengthens u, so that u become more resilient and it makes u independent. I don't know. I say it makes u strong, but also tears u down.

Being here is so hard. Everyone sticks to their little cliques and shuts other people out. I guess u could say that I'm sort of like that too. But I notice more and more that I'm alone. It honestly feels horrible. Guess people change. But it sucks. I really miss all my friends back home. Seriously, back in Singapore, I could be alone the whole day and still feel ok. Because I knew that if I needed to, I could just pick up the phone and call someone up to share my troubles with and I would feel so much better after that.

Reminising on the good old times makes me nostalgic. Excuse me, I'm getting a little teary-eyed.

Well, basically, I really am missing everyone back home a hell of a lot. I suppose the thing with u helps take my mind of that for awhile. But I really can't use that as an excuse to run away and hide from the fact that I miss my friends back home.

Remember that dream I talked about in a previous post? Yeah, well, I think wakey-wakey time is just around the corner. And I'm in for a very unwelcome wake up call.

Today was one of the best days I've had in this long and tiring week.

I spent almost the whole day with u. Even though I was totally pooped and the day started off rather slowly and yucky, things turned out great in the end.

I'm smiling now.

Ok, not anymore.

I just received an email from my mom. Sigh. Made her worry incessantly about me. I know I shouldn't say this, cos it's in every mom's book to worry about her child, but she is so over-protective. I'm already 18, for god's sake! And, don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my mom cares so much about me, but sometimes it just gets so suffocating. She's the one person who's really been there for me, but I just feel that at some point, the communication between me n her just stops. It just cannot continue. My mom and I have a great relationship. But somehow, I just feel that she does not understand me. Hell, sometimes I even feel that my friends understand me better than my own mom! There's only so much I can talk to my mom about. Not that she's old-fashioned or anything, but she obviously cannot accept me doing things that alot of other moms allow their daughters to do.

Like, for example, drinking. She knows I'm of legal age already. She knows that I drink. She just doesn't know how much I drink. And I cannot tell her. She's so afraid that I'll get murdered or raped or molested or some other rubbish shit if I go out drinking. Can't she understand that I know how to take care of myself? I mean, I wouldn't want all that bad stuff to happen to me, right? Which idiot would want that? Yeah, it's her right to worry for me, but sometimes it's just too much.

Another thing is boys. I just CANNOT understand this. Boys are boys! That's it! The only difference between them and girls is that they have dicks in place of boobs! But I just don't understand why my mom cannot accept that I hang out with guys, or that I have more guy friends than girlfriends. Why can't she see that I'm just friends with guys? I have to lie to her everytime! I really don't wanna lie to her. But she hears that I was with a guy and her radar goes up and she automatically thinks that he's a guy I'm interested in! Like, what the fuck?!

And the relationship issue? Don't even think about it. I mean, she's already sent me to a convent for 10 fucking long years. Isn't that enough? There's only so much she can protect me. And I thank her for that, cos some guys are jackholes who only wanna get into a girl's pants, but it gets crazy sometimes. I mean, some girls can really share their relationship highs and lows with their moms. But I can't!

I really wanna be able to open up to my mom about this kinda thing. But she goes berserk at so much as a hint of a boy in my life! She just cannot understand that I am old enough to decide my own life. Isn't it bad enough that she already has pretty much controlled me to the point that I have to study something I really actually hate, but I go ahead and study it just to make her happy? This is all because God gave me a conscience and a soft heart. So everytime I fight with my mom over what I wanna do, even if she doesn't like it, I go and feel guilty after the argument. My brother, he doesn't care! So that's why he's doing something he loves. And I'm really bitter about that.

If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't have gone to JC and then flunked out and be labelled a failure.
If it wasn't for my mom, I would have gone ahead and done media studies in poly, and done something I really love.
If it wasn't for my mom... If it wasn't for my mom...

I'd actually have a life.

I've already pondered and hesitated posting this entry up here, but finally I really couldn't take it anymore. So u can take it as it is. Read if u want, but don't fucking judge me, cos I really don't fucking wanna hear any shit from anyone.

waking from a dream

Sometimes I feel like blogging, and then all of a sudden, when I'm sitting with the empty post to fill, I realise I don't really have anything of substance to write about. Do u guys get that feeling?

Well, no school today, so I slept in. It's been a long, tiring week. Sigh. Finally managed to pull myself out from under the nice, warm, cozy covers at 12.50pm. When I realised I had to meet Liwen and Lavinia to go to the supermarket. So I had to scurry like anything. I didn't even have time to comb my hair! Not that it mattered. Weather was erratic like hell today. My hair got all mussed up the second I walked out the door.

My kitchen cupboards are now fully stocked. My stomach's pretty full too. But somehow, I'm not satisfied. I can't exactly put a finger on what the problem is. It's this nagging feeling knawing away at the pit of my stomach.

It's like waking up from a really great dream and u try to force urself to recall what that dream was and all the emotions that u felt during that dream, so that u get to experience all those wonderful feelings again and so that u can remember what made u feel like that. But u simply just can't remember what that dream was. I guess that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I've been living in this dream world, this fantasy land. And suddenly, I'm forced to remember that the real world is still out there. The big, bad, ugly world.

U're a dream come true. But I have this feeling that u're one of those dreams that I mentioned above.

And I'm not gonna like it very much when it's time to wake up.

Ok, so I didn't go shopping today. Just as well. I would have spent so much cash, my debit card would have been totally maxed out. Which means my dad would slaughter me and skin me like a wild rabbit. I don't want THAT, so a miracle in disguise then? :)

So, oops, I guess. Guess I owe the other girl an apology. Sorry!

Well. I had such a good time with the girls. We went to Pizza Express, which is like a kind of authentic Italian restaurant. Total flashback of Italy, man! The thin crust pizzas were yummy! Mm-mm! We couldn't hang out too long, much as I would've liked to, cos it's the girls' exam period. Good luck to them!

Today was pretty ok, considering how busy I've been. So busy that I almost forgot to notice u. It's getting hectic. Suddenly I feel the pressure of a heck of a lot of work. Sigh. Work, work, work. Yuck.

Thank god for u, huh? :)

I ought to be crowned princess or hailed a saint for the sacrifice I'm about to make tomorrow. I'm gonna have to brave this blasted London weather to go to Central London tomorrow with a girl I hardly know or like very much, when I could be taking Yu Ting up on her invitation to have pizza with her, Yu Yi and the twins.

How fucking unfair is that?

True, I'd be going shopping, which is like my ultimate high in life. But I really do so love hanging out with the girls mentioned above. Plus, they'll be going home soon in June or July. So I have to grab every damn opportunity to hang out with them. Darn it all.

Ugh. Me and my big mouth. Everytime I make a mental note not to say anything stupid to spoil things, somehow, my size two brain manages to lose that note along the way and my tongue will miraculously form words that aren't meant to come out and ruin everything.



It's a farce, isn't it? And I'm the only one stupid enough to fall for it.

This sucks. It's a beautiful day, albeit a windy one, and highly prone to raining anytime. But here I am, stuck in fucking IT class. And there's no nice view here! Probably sleeping in the dorm room.

Life is unfair.

Economics is fun. I was wrong about my teacher. She's pretty nice. Even though I still think she talks funny.

Well, my friend's been going through a kinda hard time. A few friendship problems. U know, the usual downs of life. So I've been trying to cheer her up, and just be there for her. Which is kinda hard, since I didn't really like this girl in the first place. So I hereby declare that I shall slowly adjust my bad behaviour and try to stop passing judgement about her and just show her the friendly compassion she needs in this trying time. Hard work. But I'll try. (Oh come on, like YOU'RE perfect.)

Well, basically, my day's been pretty much like yesterday's. With the added benefit that u stopped ignoring me around 12.30pm and asked me out (next month, no less.), and then went back to giving me the cold shoulder again. Wow, what a thrill. What, u got another skirt to chase this month, so I'm in preparation for next month?! (DON'T U EVEN DARE!)

It's starting to get really old. U gotta stop doing this to me. U know, the racing pulse, heart palpitations, sweaty palms and tied tongue, amongst other things.

On the other hand, I'm looking forward to a month from now. :)

Do you know I cry?

Do you wanna run away together?
I would say it was your best line ever
Too bad I fell for it

And I walked alone
Waiting for you to come along
Take my tortured heart by the hand
And write me off

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

You forced me to become strong
When I just craved being weak
Yeah,yeah

And you think you know
And I would like to think so
But do you know that when you go
I fall apart

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind
No, you're not the good kind

I'm tired of hiding behind these blind eyes
I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize

Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind
No, you're not the good kind

Do you know I cry?

-The Wreckers (Michelle Branch & Jessica Harp)-

This song is beautiful. Really love the lyrics. Unfortunately, The Wreckers are non-recording artistes, so I can't even find it on the Internet and download it. So I have no choice but to just listen to it from an episode of One Tree Hill on Youtube.com.

Well! Today pretty much sucked. No prizes for guessing my reason correctly.

Check this video out. It is super awesome.



Isn't it cool?

Anyways, my neighbour is having a party. AGAIN. What the fuck. How many damn parties can u have in a month anyway? Annoying.

Well, I've been a good girl and did my homework diligently. Crashed really late last night after finishing my English assignments. (My English homework pile is a killer.) Hence, as u all have probably already guessed, I woke up only when Mr Sun was way up high in sky.

Today's weather was totally weird. There was an absolute gale which woke me up at 9.30am, but I took a look out of the window, saw the trees waving gaily in the wind and then hit the pillows again. Eveningtime was pretty mild, but the wind started up again whilst I was cooking dinner.

Guess I have to take comfort in the fact that she's your good friend. Whatever that's supposed to mean. Hope that's all it is.

Argh, I hate guessing games.

On the other hand, I'm going shopping tomorrow! Yay!

Insecure

Just came back from DVD Night. We watched ABBA: The Movie. God, I love the songs. The lyrics, the tunes, they're all great. I've been a, I dunno, a closet ABBA fan. I guess u could say that. Haha.

Went for dinner after school with Shu Rong and Sophy. Well, actually they had dinner. I just sat there and had a couple bites from their plates. Hehe.

I don't need food to feel full. :)

It's scary. U're a dream come true. And I should be all hyped and excited and bouncing off my bleak dorm room walls. But I feel scared. Now that I've got a taste of what being with u is like, I'm hooked. And now, there really is something to lose.

Insecurity bites.

But everything's more beautiful when u're in love. :)

mood reflection

In IT class. It's a beautiful day today. The sky is blue, the sun is shining. There's not a single cloud in sight.

My mood's reflected in the weather.

Lunch was pleasant. Went to a restaurant called Vietnam Restuarant. Funny thing is, they serve chinese dishes. Confusing, really. But it was great to finally spend some time alone with u doing something fun. (Not that studying with u isn't. But, ah, u know what I mean.)

I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Hopefully, butterflies, not snakes or other icky insects.

U make me feel fuzzy-wuzzy. Haha.

follow through...

Oh, this is the start of something good

Don't you agree

I haven't felt like this in so many moons

You know what I mean

-Gavin Degraw-

Gavin Degraw's songs really get to me these days. Man, "Follow Through" has been playing on repeat. These few lines of lyrics are great. Apt, too.

Anyways, today's been great overall. I thought it was gonna go downhill from yesterday onwards, but luckily not.

Ok, sorry, I really should stop here. I'm not cohesive. Brain's not functioning. My head's a-floating in the clouds.

Belief

How does one know one is in love? Can u measure it? Is it something that can be tested? Something that can be gauged? Hmm. That's a question I'd like to know an answer to. Until then, I guess it'll remain one of life's elusive mysteries. So guys, any thoughts on that one?

Well. My day pretty much sucked. Not u. U kept me alive for the day. :) It's been raining all day. Ugh. It's wet and dirty and gross everywhere. It's cold and windy. I hate the weather. I was hoping this week would be good. Damn it.

Economics is turning out to be pretty fun. I think I'm getting the hang of it. My teacher finally can remember my name without having to refer to the register or looking at me blankly with a "Duh, who are u?" kind of face and then asking me what my name is. This was only because I actually got it into my head to study (actually really STUDY) yesterday. I was just so sick and tired of being a nobody in class like I was some kinda dumbass. I mean, I already have to deal with myself thinking that I am some kinda dumbass. I don't need any sort of reconfirmation from my teachers.

So anyways, English was the usual boring shit. I can't believe how boring English can be. I love it, but the pace of the lesson gets to the point where I wanna just slit my wrists.

Oh, don't mind me. I'm just ur average angst-filled teenage drama queen.

I just got 4 offers from the universities I chose! Alright! *pumps fist in air*

Just the first few lines from Gavin Degraw's "Belief". I just love this song now.

Belief

Makes things real

Makes things feel

Feel alright

Belief

Makes things true

Things like you

You and I

-Gavin Degraw-

Right now, I believe. :)

skip in my step

They have got to be kidding me. My parents pay a fortune for me to get a good education at this so-called top college in London, and I put in hard work, and they tell me that they might not be able to finish the syllabus? Plus, my teacher said, "I hope u guys are clever enough and use ur common sense. The stupid thing would be to do the questions u don't know in your exam."

Like, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Seriously, this place is so overrated.

Anyways, other than that, today was good. A little tiring, especially after Econs. Fried brain, anyone? Gosh, there's like an overload of information already. Then IELTS English class in the afternoon. My opinion? A total waste of a perfectly good afternoon that could be spent doing Econs, or anything else. The class is so goddamn boring! My teacher is really funny and all, but there is a limit to clowning around. I mean, the jokes do get old after awhile.

Well, I better go now. Wanna review my Econs notes before bed. I AM NOT GONNA LET THAT CLONED SHEEP OVERTAKE MY PERCENTAGE THIS TERM.

MUST WORK HARD! MUST WORK HARD! MUST WORK HARD!

Especially with teachers who have a lasseiz-faire attitude to students' grades.

On another note... I caught u! Haha!

I've got a skip in my step now. :)

Gonna make this a short one. Gotta hit the sack soon. Economics first thing in the morning. It's madness.

Man, I am great at multi-tasking. Haha! Here I am, typing this entry, brushing my teeth, listening to music and packing my stuff for tomorrow. I am great.

Been slacking my whole weekend. AGAIN. At least I did get some work done today. Finished up my English coursework, Economics homework and reviewed my notes for tomorrow. Good work, Cheryl! Yay! And to reward myself, I ate up 3/4 of the Cadbury dairy milk chocolate bar in my fridge. Actually I was only supposed to eat 1/2, but it looked so sad sitting in my fridge that I just had to sink my teeth into that scrumptious thing. Hehe.

I am so in love with Jimmy Eat World's "Work"!!! It totally rocks!

Coach Whitey Durham from One Tree Hill said this:

"It's been 50 years, 50 long years, since I've done this. Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say that I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when u find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night u see the stars. And those stars will lead u back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cos most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare u the most. Maybe you'll get everything u wished for. Maybe you'll get more than u ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take u? The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination."

Just thought that was really meaningful. Chew on that for awhile.

Well, let's see now. What have I got to blog about?

Firstly, I would like to say that weekends are crap. They are three days that make me wallow in my self-pity. It sucks! It's Saturday night and I'm holed up in this bare, spartan room. And to make things worse, I think my neighbour is having his weekly party! What the fuck?! I mean, how can anyone make so much blasted noise? It's been going on for such a long time already! U guys will probably beg to differ with me. I'm sure ur weekends are far, far better than mine, so I'm sure u'll find some way to understand my situation.

Other than that, my day's been spent listening to One Tree Hill soundtrack on repeat. (Well, not all the songs. Only the ones I like. And am able to download. Being in a dorm sucks. Download programmes are barred. Bah.)

I've started on Season 3 of OTH. The show totally rocks! Nathan and Haley are my inspiration for love. And also my inspiration for wanting to tear my hair out in exasperation. Their love is so sweet but irritating cos I don't have that kinda love. Ok, never mind. U guys won't understand.

I'm gonna take the similar advices I've been given. To sum it all up, I'll go slow and play it cool. Is it just me, or is there some relationship book of rules that everyone uses? I mean, everyone seems to have the answers and when I ask for advice, the same thing is repeated to me a couple of times. Weird.

Anyways, I've completed my English essay, during my Peyton Sawyer (Ok, not to be thick-skinned or anything, but I do see some similarities in Peyton's character as me. Character, I said, not looks. I can't compete with her. She's beautiful.) mood just now. I'm gonna post it up here too, so do drop comments if u feel like it!

*********************************

Headlines these days are becoming more gruesome and morbid tales of crimes. The horrific thing is that these crimes are being committed by young children, who should be enjoying their childhood. Some people feel that age is no excuse for such crimes and that these children should be convicted with a lifetime sentence in jail.
However, I believe that there are other ways to deal with this serious problem and that prison should be the last place a child should be confined to. In this essay, I will discuss the possible reasons why children commit terrible crimes and some possible solutions to this problem.

One must ask oneself why children can bring themselves to commit such heinous crimes. Surely a child is not born a killer or rapist.
One reason I believe plays a great part in influencing a child's psychological being is media influence. Movies or television shows are becoming increasingly filled with violence and sex. It makes a child think that killing someone is perfectly alright. Even the daily news on television or in the newspapers report murders or rapes with such explicit details.
Another reason is that there is a breakdown or a lack of communication in the family nowadays. People are often so busy that they forget to slow down and talk to their family. Many parents these days are not even aware of their children's schedules and are not familiar with their children's friends. Children are becoming more distant from their parents and spend more time with their friends than at home with their family.
That leads to the next reason why children commit such crimes. The crowd that they mix with influences a great part of who they become. Peer pressure nowadays causes a lot of problems. If the company that children are in is bad, then they could be influenced to do bad things to "look cool" or "fit in" with their friends.

Some solutions can be suggested to solve this problem, or at least stop it from becoming any worse.
Firstly, families need to work on their communication. I believe family ties are very important and that they should spend more time together. This way, parents can get to know their children and vice versa. With communication, the family will get to know their problems and help each other through.
Secondly, I feel that school education is an important factor. Schools could invite the local police to give talks or seminars on the consequences of committing crimes. Schools could also employ a school counsellor or psychologist to talk troubled students.
Parents could also take their child to a psychologist for psychiatric help. Some of these crimes are committed because these children are mentally or emotionally unstable. Perhaps after some counselling sessions or medication, they would be able to overcome their problems.
As a last alternative, the child could be sent to a boys' or girls' home for behavioural rehabilitation, maybe for a few months until an improvement in his or her attitude can be seen.

In conclusion, I believe that a prison sentence is not suitable for a young child and that the above solutions can be used to solve this problem of young children committing such terrible crimes. Of course, more solutions have to be thought of. Most importantly, I feel that the family and society should give these children all the help they can get, who are probably just feeling lost and troubled.
Children are our future. We should not give up on them so easily.

*********************************

By the way, Tegan and Sara rock!

cloud 9

Goody goody goody goody goody goody goody goody goody goody goody goody!

Yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!

Sorry. Heard some news from friends.



Cloud nine's a pretty nice place to be on. Hope I'm here to stay.

In IT class again. What a waste of a glorious afternoon. Pity.

I've completed all (well, ok, fine. Most.) of my coursework. Jackasses of classmates keep asking me questions. Bloody hell do the crap urself!

I've got a pretty good view in front of me. Hahaha!

Yesterday was fun. Even though we were doing Economics homework, at least I got to be within 15cm from u. Haha! It was nice that we could talk about real stuff too. Although I was really tired, now, thanks to u, my homework is 80% complete! And I had a great time too! I hope we do this more often.

Went out for lunch just now at Noodletime (it's a restaurant selling, what else, NOODLES!) with my class guys and a girlfriend. (I'm not close to this girl, but for the lack of other friends, I pretty much have no other damn option.) It was fun, joking around with the guys. Plus, I got to hang out with U again! Haha! The dog meat thing was pretty hilarious! (Sorry, u kinda had to be here to get the joke. Haha.)

Anyways, I'm bored to death now. Since my coursework is done, I have nothing else to do. We gotta do a Powerpoint presentation also, but I gotta think of a title first. And u know me. I'm lazy as hell. Oh what the heck. I'm gonna take it slow today. :)

Mannequins

This is so sad. It's a gorgeous day out and I have absolutely no one to hang out with outside. Back in Singapore, if I minus out my parents and I was as free as I am over here, I could just call up a good friend and head over to a cafe or coffee bar or the beach or just sit out in the park for good times. Here? Bloody hell no one. At least no one I like very much. I can't ask someone I like, cos that would be way too strange.

I'm telling u, my friends are such weirdos. How can they not love Nature and the glorious fresh air and basking in the warm sunshine? How can they like staying indoors, cooped up in a teeny, smelly room with nothing but four walls closing in on u?

Man, oh man, I can't wait to go to university. At least I can find new, real friends there. People here are so freakin' fake. Mannequins, the lot of them.

I'm typing this entry in school right now. It's officially confirmed. The computers in school are from the time of the dinosaurs. Bloody keyboards are those loud clicketty types that 1970s office secretaries whose biggest job was to fuck their boss use.

That's it, IT lesson sucks, BIGTIME. My teacher isn't even here. He's the smart one. Sigh. I should've stayed home.

I'm addicted to u. U and sleep. At least with sleep, u're mine.

Ok, I better get back to my work. I'm only writing this cos I'm bored. Maybe I'll write another entry an hour later.

Well, looks like I freaked for nothing after all, Meiying. U can tell me "I told u so." now. I deserve it. This is so me. Making a mountain out of a molehill. Yup, that's me alright. Wonderful, huh? I should slap myself for my presumptuousness. (Is there even such a word?)

Always trying to think ahead of other people, to be one step ahead, thinking that I'm so damn clever. Yeah, well, no more of that crappy, nonsensical shit. I'm not hoping no more. There ain't gonna be no nothing for me.

Here's to me. Me and my stupid, fucked up heart.

do u decide to love me back?

"Every once in awhile, people step up. They rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise u. Sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard, but if u look close enough, u find hope, in the words of children, in the bars of a song, and in the eyes of someone u love. And if u're lucky, I mean, if u're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person u love decides to love u back."

I just love this quote from One Tree Hill, said by Nathan Scott, or James Lafferty. Especially the last sentence. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Nothing else much to blog today. Just thought I'd put that up. It's a great quote.

Today was great! The first time for lots of things! Not just for me too! So it's like a stepping stone for lots of people! I was really happy and into things for a first time today. Finally, I'm outta my funk and it feels so great. Things were going great between someone and me too! :)

Today was Faik's birthday, so we celebrated it for him in the typical college student fashion: drink till u're pissed! Haha! It was great! (Forgive me for this post if u see things typed out that shouldn't be there. I'm a little woozy as I'm typing this. Even though I've slept 2 hours off the alcohol already. :p)

I slept really late last night again and we were supposed to go to the supermarket to get stuff for the party at 3pm. Guess what time I woke up. 2.20pm. Good, huh. My god, I was a tornado! I rushed for my shower, makeup, everything! It was nuts!

We (Yusuke, me, Liwen, Hye Jung, Sun, Zu Hua and Adil) went to Tesco, where we picked up party stuff and groceries for ourselves. We spent over 2 hours there just picking the stuff. Haha!
Anyways, Yusuke, me and Liwen went to collect Faik for his party at about 5.30pm. We wanted the party to be a surprise, so we told the birthday boy that he was going to a Math class. Haha! And he believed us! Hahaha!

Well, anyways, the plan went well, and he didn't smell a rat and hence, the party started! My god, I'm so drunk now. Sigh. Satisfaction.

The birthday boy and I!

Faik's the big Two-Oh! Happy Birthday, big boy!

Blowing the candles!

Lavinia, Sophy and I!

The boys! All a little drunk on Corona beer already!

Sun! He's the eldest in our class.

The Vietnamese guys and I. (Viet Anh, behind, is a little drunk, I think. :p)

The boys again.

Suddenly everyone wanted to take photos. Haha!

Single, girls! (I think. :p)

Guan, have u tried absinthe? If u haven't, then... HAHAHA!!! I BEAT U MAN! Haha. Just kidding. God, it is superb! I've got pictures to prove it! Haha!

Excited!

Yay!

Adil preparing the drink. (He's like an expert on making drinks.)

See? Haha!

It is fucking strong.

Smoke the fumes, baby!

High already. (I had 5 shots of absinthe.)

Ok. I shall post more pictures of the crazy party tomorrow. Right now, I need to crash. I'm dizzy. Ciao!

The weather today was heavenly! Michelle and Melissa were sunbathing (haha!) in Greenwich Park and called me. (Yu Yi and Yu Ting joined us later.) (I was actually having my dinner and I had to gobble down my food.) The sun here is so mild. Back home, just a couple hours under the sun and I'm nicely tanned. But here, nothing!

The twins! Hey guys, u're up on my blog! :)

The Big Unknown.

Been watching One Tree Hill on Youtube. I'm addicted to the show now. It's ur typical teen soap opera, with the usual perfect looking, gorgeous, hot actors and actresses. This song, Halo, sung by one of the characters, Haley James Scott , actress Bethany Joy Lenz. It's a great song! Sounds very Kelly Clarkson though.

Here are the lyrics. I think they're very good. Enjoy! :)

I never promised you a ray of light

I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday

I'll give you everything I have

The good, the bad

Why do you put me on a pedestal?

I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below

So help me down, you've got it wrong

I don't belong there

One thing is clear

I wear a halo

I wear a halo when you look at me

But standing from here

You wouldn't say so

You wouldn't say so if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you

Oh, oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes

I'm only human and that's my saving grace

I fall as hard as I try

So don't be blinded

See me as I really am

I have flaws and sometimes I even sin

So pull me from that pedestal

I don't belong there

One thing is clear

I wear a halo

I wear a halo when you look at me

But standing from here you wouldn't say so

You wouldn't say so if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you

Oh, I, I just wanna love you

Like to think that you know me

But in your eyes

I am something above you

It's only in your mind

Only in your mind

I wear, I wear, I wear, I wear a halo

One thing is clear

I wear a halo

I wear a halo when you look at me

But standing from here you wouldn't say so

you wouldn't say so if you were me

I just wanna love you

I just wanna love you

(I just wanna love you)

-Bethany Joy Lenz (or Haley James Scott)-

I'm watching another episode of One Tree Hill now. It's about a shooting in the high school. The unpopular kid, sick and tired of being pushed around and looked down upon, finally snapped and unleashed his wrath on the people who broke him. Haiqal, if u're reading this, I totally agree with u. Guns are dangerous objects. But that's not all that's dangerous. There are lots of kids nowadays, invisible, transparent. They're victims of a terrible thing.

Lucas Scott's literary quote at the end of that episode is touching and emotional and it rings true.

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred? How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us, that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some will be lost along the way? When did we lose our way, consumed by the shadow-swallowed hole, by the darkness? Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

Watching this episode, I've come to realise how shallow I am or can be. Wanting to be popular, to be the prettiest girl in class. Wanting to hang out with the "cool" kids so I'd look cool too. Wanting to do things I don't even like, just so people wouldn't think that I'm weird. Is that even the closest thing to important?

I've been snubbed before. I was unseen and unheard. A nobody. Not even just a face without a name. I think now of the people I've snubbed. How did they feel? Now that I'm out of that craphole I was once in, I tend to forget how it felt back then. Sure, things are better now, but I've become a whole different person. A worse person. And I feel lousy about that. I've become like those people who've hurt before. Well, I wouldn't say I'm totally like them, cos they're like the worst, but the point is, I don't like who I've grown to be. It's like I'm fake, that I have to follow a sorta code, just a piece of the puzzle, to "fit in" to the jigsaw puzzle of a world we live in. That sucks.

Think about the people u've hurt before in ur life. Think about the person u've become, or want to become. Do u really wanna be that person?

Think about it.

Yes, I'm still up. It's been going on like that for this entire week. I'm fucking tired but I can't get to sleep. And when I do, it's fitful sleep. It's like I just drift in and out of consciousness.

Anyways, I was just surfing around the Net and I came across this workout hiphop dance. U guys should go take a look. It's so cool.

http://www.nike.com/nikewomen/redirect.jsp?pFtr1=rockstar,musicvideo&ref=www.nike.com/nikewomen

I'm trying to learn the moves, which are quite tough. It's a little hard to practice the moves, since I have a mouse hole of a room and the moves are pretty aggressive. The song's by Rihanna. SOS. Great song. Jamie King (celebrity dancer and choreographer) is in the video too. Man, he's superb. Not to mention pretty yummy too! Haha!

Anyone else thinks that Rihanna looks and sounds like Ciara, or am I the only one?

I watched an episode of One Tree Hill from Youtube just now. Man, oh man, are Chad Michael Murray and James Lafferty the hottest guys ever!

Drool.

What a sweetie.

Alright, I'm gonna go try and fall asleep again. It'll be hard to; my head's swimming with images of Nathan and Lucas Scott. Haha. (If u are an avid fan of One Tree Hill, or at least have watched some episodes of the show, u'd know what I'm talking about.)

of mice and macho men...

I think the black stormy cloud of depression and misery is finally clearing up a little bit. It's been a tough week for me, a constant rollercoaster of emotions. Maybe it's PMS?

Firstly, the weather in London today was gorgeous! It was so perfect that I didn't even have to wear a jacket. It was warm and windy, the sun shining brightly. 24 degrees, I saw the weather forecast. It was great, so my friend and I decided to take a walk. (And I took the opportunity to snap more photos for u guys! See, I'm so nice! Haha.)

This is a little park across the River Thames from Greenwich Village.

The Old Royal Naval College from across the river.

There's a quaint little cafe there in that park. Sweet!

Hye Jung. The Cutty Sark behind her.

Trigger happy. This building leads to the tunnel under the river to cross to the other bank.

It's same as the other one, but I just wanted to take a picture with people lounging on the park benches.

Spring truly has arrived!

Uncertainty.

The locals must have thought I was a mad tourist. (I did it for the benefit of u guys ok! Be thankful!)

The not-so-sleepy town of Greenwich. (U can see Starbucks at the corner.)

This is one of my favourite pubs in Greenwich Village. It gets crowded really early. But the drinks and dessert are superb!

After our walk, we went to Marks and Spencer where I finally managed to buy those to-die-for brownies! They're so popular that they're almost always sold out really fast.

Isn't it beautiful? Just look at the layers of chocolate. Mm-mm!

And yet, here I am faithfully blogging for u guys, with the delectable, sinful dessert sitting next to my left hand. (It's hard to eat and type at the same time.) U guys better be grateful! Man, am I gonna have a chocolate high later or what! There's 5 more in the box! Hahaha!

Anyways, I witnessed something today that has confirmed my fears for the men (mostly Chinese) in Singapore. As we were walking back to school, we passed by one of the most popular and crowded pubs in town, the Clock Tower. There was this group of guys sitting outside, enjoying the sun and a couple of beers, probably after work. Well, there were 2 girls with them, obviously girlfriends of 2 of the guys. Really pretty, hot girls. Anyway, the girls were leaving and after their farewells (which took considerably long, judging from the way they were swapping saliva.), the girls crossed the road (jaywalked actually, but here no one freakin' gives a damn.) in front of a blue sedan (there was the usual conjestion, so traffic was crawling.). And I noticed the guys inside (looked kinda hooliganish kind of guys) kept staring at the girls and they actually began hooting and whistling at the girls. So the guys sitting at the pub suddenly yelled, "Stop starin' at my girlfriend! 'ey u there! Stop starin' at my girlfriend!" By then we'd already walked past already, but I did hear some exchange of language so foul that it can't be posted up here.

Now, how many guys in Lion City would do that? Probably if they caught a guy staring at their girl, they'd just:

1. shrug it off cos they honestly couldn't care less

2. stroke their ego, with the thought, "my girl's hot, and she's with me, not him."

or 3. think, "I don't wanna cause trouble. He's like bigger size than me. Anyway, he only look look only mah. So it's ok la."

Am I right? Maybe I'm stereotyping. But from experience and observations, guys back home would just keep back in their shell and just turn a blind eye. So guys, next time some random guy is ogling ur girl, yell at the fella. It's more dangerous to start a fight over here in UK, but see, the guys here ain't chicken. Ur girl will love u even more, I'm sure. U'll be macho man in her eyes. :)

material girl (or boy)... in a material world...

Been busy with work. And I'm glad. It takes my mind off things.

Now that Word exercises have been completed, we've been given a whole freakin' new set of exercises to do, this time Excel. It's pretty simple, albeit mundane kind of work. Damn teacher. Well, at least this time I have 2 weeks instead of 1 to complete it. So I'll take my time.

I knew from the start that my school is filled to the brim with rich, spoilt bimbos and brats, but today it has been ever more reinforced in me. Kids in my school simply have too much money to spend. In the ladies, I spotted a girl touching up her makeup, Chanel compact in her hand, Bobbi Brown brush in her hand. (I could see cos she put down the brush and disappeared into a cubicle for awhile.) Her bag was this huge Dior handbag, and her makeup bag was HUGE! Don't know what brand THAT was, but it was filled with every makeup essential u can think of! Foundation, blush, concealer, lip gloss, u name it, it's in there. God, and I thought I was overdoing my makeup routine! Seriously, I think her handbag probably only contained that gigantic makeup bag. I sure didn't see any papers or books sticking out of that Dior bag.

Another thing was overhearing a conversation at the library computers. (I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I honestly couldn't help it. The guy and girl were talking like they were all alone in the mausoleum quiet of the library.)

THEY WERE COMPARING THE SIZES OF THEIR HOUSES.

And not just one house, mind u. THREE HOUSES. EACH.

What the hell?! I mean, is that what defines u? A pile of bricks? Seriously! I mean, just because someone chooses to stay in a HDB flat doesn't mean that he's poor!

I remember the lao ah peh in Bedok North HDB estate. There he was walking out of the void deck in a white singlet and striped boxer shorts and bangrah flip-flops. And I thought that his choice of a sweet ride would be a poot-poot scooter. Well, guess what?! He nonchalantly pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and in two toots, got into a fiery red Porshe Boxster (I only know cos my brother was with me)!!! Cool old uncle, man!

See? Maybe he chose to buy a Porshe then ran out of money to buy a huge bungalow in Tanglin Road. See, this is all about Opportunity Cost. When making choices, there's always a sacrifice involved. (Sorry, we're learning that in Econs now, and my teacher keeps shoving that concept down our throats.) Doesn't mean that he's poor, right? People with big houses also aren't necessarily rolling in dough. Maybe buy big house then no more money to eat nice food and buy nice things. Maybe even owe bank money! (Gasp!) Haha. Just kidding.

Sure, money makes the world go round, but it isn't everything right? I mean, if I have enough to eat and drink, and I have my family and loved ones around, and the shirt on my back, I think I would be satisfied. (My Econs teacher doesn't think so. "Humans are fickle. They have unlimited wants. U may say u're satisfied at this stage, but u may change ur mind later.") Well, true. I may be satisfied for now, but I may become hungry for more at a later stage.

And it's not just money and material things that humans crave huh? What about status? Power? Position? We're competitive beings, we are. We humans are wretched things. We always want to be better off than the next person. And we always wish harm against those who have the things we don't. And in the true spirit of the statement "survival of the fittest", we just have to fight others for it. To stand up for ourselves, we sometimes stomp on the toes of others, just so we don't lose out. This is true kiasu-ism.

Well, ur usual daily dose of my rants and raves. Gotta go read my economics notes before I call it a night. (Roar.)

May Day... and more...

Something got me down today, but I'm not gonna brood on it; it's not that worth my time. A big thank u to Haiqal for cheering me up. Thanks for the song too. It was nice. :)

I slept late last night, or rather morning. Only managed to fall asleep at 6.30am. Sigh. My body clock is all messed up.

I went with Liwen to the May Fair at the Old Royal Naval College today. We missed the Maypole dancing, but we did manage to see some other really cool things, like the Green Man stiltwalker.

Here are some pics I took.

The Cutty Sark. Again. This was actually taken last Friday outside Marks and Spencer when I was waiting for the twins to finish with their shopping.

This was a puppet show put on for the children at the May Fair. A real, honest-to-God, traditional puppet show! Like Punch and Judy!

The miniature donkeys in their pen.

The little kids riding the donkeys. So cute!

The Green Man! That's my friend Liwen, from China.

Me! He sprinkles dried flowers onto people's heads, like to bless them. It's a tradition for May Day.

The kids sitting around the grounds. Some of them were dressed up in traditional May Day costumes, with a flower wreath around their heads for the little girls.

It got a little boring at the fair, so we left and went to Greenwich Park. On our way there, we passed by the National Maritime Museum.

They put a plane in front of the museum. Sound effects was spouting out of manholes. (They installed speakers inside the drains. Weird.)

The National Maritime Museum.

Next are pictures of Greenwich Park. It was my first visit to it. Nature lovers, prepare to be awed. (Maybe not by my photos. Remember, I have a lousy camera.) The park is wonderful. Totally not like Singapore parks. It's rolling green dunes here, with lots of people playing and sitting on the grass. Really beautiful.

The Royal Observatory is up on the hill.

Evidence that Spring is here! The cherry blossoms are absolutely gorgeous.

The picture speaks for itself. Cute little buggers.

The park is huge. This slope is a popular site for kids to roll down and risk breaking their necks.

After that, we went to the Greenwich Market on our way back to residence. I bought an antique cigarette box for 2 pounds. I just love stuff like this.

Nice, huh!

Well, that's it for today. I'm sleepy already. School's back. Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-holiday and anti-school. But recently, school is all that I've been living for lately. I just don't feel like doing anything else. I'm glad if there's schoolwork to occupy my mind.

And I just don't like to help my friends anymore. Sometimes I feel that I'm always obliged to help them. But guess what? The truth is, I'm sick and tired of helping and being the nice person. I get taken advantage of. I mean, like my IT work. I'm not that computer-savvy myself, but I do the work all by MYSELF! Any problems I have, I ask the teachers. That's what they're for.

But, NO. My lazy-ass friends don't do the work themselves! Always asking me! I have no problem with helping out with one or two questions, but seriously, they keep asking me. I had problems doing the work myself! No one helped explain anything to me! I had to find the damn functions and buttons all by my fucking self! WHO HELPED ME?! NO ONE! N-O, NO!

Ah, don't mind my ranting. I'm incoherent. Ciao.